i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
