We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
