you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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