i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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