so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
