i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
