So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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