Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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