you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
