So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
