Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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