I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
