He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
