We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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