the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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