Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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