R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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