Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
