he thought i was a dude.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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