the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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