she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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