scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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