I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
