its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
