i was born a porn star she said
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
