Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
