My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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