What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
