I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
