I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
