dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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