I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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