You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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