i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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