Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
