Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
