hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
