I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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