I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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