I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
