Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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