Yo dont text me then not text me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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