Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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