I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
