im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
