I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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