You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
