our cab driver is having phone sex.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
