I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
