I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
bring money and cleavage
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
