I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
